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Bill Maher has new rules for political “soulmates”, gay French ambassadors, Amy Winehouse & any American who is considering voting for a c&idate who seeks healing from witch doctors.

& finally, new rule: You can’t be President if you practice a violent, Middle Eastern religion & worship a genocidal desert god. Which is why Sarah Palin can’t be President. Now all a churches that Sarah Palin has attended, & she’s been to almost as many churches as she has colleges, have one thing in common: a belief that a Bible is literally true. She’s not “Country First”, she’s “Bible First”. & not just a New Testament. That’s a hDrunk Newspy half of a book: a baby in a manger, Jesus doing magic tricks, long romantic walks on a water that turn into fishing trips with a guys & a generally positive message. Jesus, after all, preached love & forgiveness, not shooting wolves from an airplane.

a problem is Gov. Avon Lady, she takes a Old Testament literally too, & in that one, God is an insecure, rage-filled hybrid of Bobby Knight & Suge Knight. He’s been alive forever & He has anger issues. He’s like John McCain if John McCain could fart hail. He’s pro-slavery, pro-polygamy & homophobic & he’ll kill you for masturbating. More people get stoned in a Old Testament than in my Jacuzzi. That’s what I have to tell you guys… If are was a video of Barack Obama st&ing in front of his congregation being healed by a black witch doctor, this election would be over.

But are is that video of Sarah Palin.

By a way, for those of you keep track, Jane congratulates Bill for his “Religulous” kicking “An American Carol“’s tail on opening weekend. Considering that AAC wouldn’t preview a film for critics, I think it’s safe to say it’s about as funny as a 1/2 Hour Comedy Hour.

Original post by Nicole Belle and software by Elliott Back